Pieces
by AngelicTrinity
Summary: Victory often comes at a price and in the aftermath of Grand Order, the Forty-Eighth Master finds herself picking up the pieces and trying to find a way to move on with her life in the aftermath of saving the world. Or breaking completely. ((Final Singularity Spoiler, slight AU)).
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fate Grand Order. I only own this plot and the character's personality and design.**

* * *

Victory never felt so hollow.

History was restored and humanity ultimately saved, but I couldn't bring myself to celebrate the momentous occasion. Not when victory had come at such a steep cost that made me question whether saving the world was worth it. But just as soon as those thoughts entered my head, I dismissed them immediately. I was being selfish. In the grand scheme of things, the cost was very minor compared to what was hanging in the balance. The only reason that it tormented me was because...

Was because the cost ended up being personal.

A small part of me couldn't help but be resentful as well as hypocritical over that fact. I had watched ordinary citizens be cut down on the spot for no reason other than being there without batting an eye, but once I saw someone I knew die right in front of me it was suddenly unacceptable?

It hurt so goddamned much.

I was no optimist and I did not waste my time on idealism. I often lived by the saying of 'no sacrifice, no victory'. Don't get me wrong; when I say that it did not mean I was willing to sacrifice every person I saw for something as stupid as _the end justifies the means_. It meant that I was resigned to the fact that sacrifices were a _necessity_ no matter how much I balked at the term or were just plain unavoidable in the long run.

You couldn't save everyone.

 _But that didn't mean I couldn't try or wish that I could have saved them all._

Everything was a jumbled mess as my thoughts whirled in my head. I got the impression that my mind was just going around in circles, that my thoughts were just repeating themselves over and over so much that I could no longer tell if I had already went over something or not. Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. If I already had, it was soon forgotten about and everything just went full circle again. I didn't dwell on it too much.

My mind drifted in and out of reality constantly, sometimes aware, sometimes not at all.

Time passed by me as the sky changed from light to dark, but I couldn't keep track of just how much was by passing me. I couldn't be bothered to get up and answer my door despite how many people knocked, asking if I was alright or if I needed something or telling me that I needed to eat. I was expecting the more boisterous and obnoxious inhabitants to just burst into my room loudly and kidnap me, but none had come though I suspect that that there were a few threats here and there to keep them in line though.

That did not mean I had some guests from time to time. Probably to check that I was still alive and not hanging from a ceiling, though I don't know why they bothered. After they caught me with the scissors, my room had been thoroughly went through and proofed to make sure that I couldn't harm myself in any way, much less kill myself (but I wouldn't do that because it would mean that what they did for me would be negated and I couldn't do that...)

Speaking of people coming into my room...

I heard the door to my room slide open, followed by the tap of high heeled boots across the floor as someone walked towards me. I didn't bother addressing or seeing who the person was- only few people actually visited me these days and I had become familiar with the sound of theirs gait that just listening to them walk was enough to identify whoever decided to drop in. Though to be honest, even if it wasn't them I still probably would not have turned around.

"Raine, you still haven't left your room?" There was disapproval in their voice as well as exhaustion. It was Da Vinci. "They're going to be here again soon. I know you don't want to deal with them (who would), but the Clocktower Association is not going to take 'no' for an answer about what happened."

I could feel the guilt creep in at the absolutely exhausted tone in her voice. I should have been helping her, but instead I was throwing a self-pity party for myself, even if everyone told me not to help and just get some rest. The world may have been saved, but it was far from over. Turns out that despite humanity being annihilated and time a complete mess because of a 3000 year old plan in the making, an entire year had passed and _everyone on the planet was aware of that fact._ That meant, of course, that the _super secret organization of magi_ were in an uproar and were sending over an entire team to Chaldea to investigate

While I hadn't dealt with mages from the Clocktower Association, I already had an inkling of what they were going to be like from the other Masters who were supposed to participate before everything went to hell. Prideful, jealous, petty and selfish people who were always looking for an opportunity to put themselves ahead of others. All of the magi who were from the noble families or those who were hoping to earn prestige in participating in Chaldea's Project had greedy glints in their eyes that spoke of not being altruistic but trying to twist things so that things benefit themselves or their families in the long run or for bragging rights.

Everything about their very nature disgusted me. They were qualities I absolutely despised rolled into one population.

Reinforcing my suspicions, many of the servants under my command who had personal experience in their old lives dealing with those from the Clocktower or who had Masters from previous wars associated with them had warned me that the coming investigation and any interaction with the Magi was not going to be a pleasant experience. They were not afraid to tell me that magi were far from being above sabotage, blackmail, murder, and whatever means to get what they want. While they always looked for opportunity to get the upper hand on their peers, anyone who a magus deemed a threat would be taken care of one way or another.

It did not take a genius to know that there were many people who would _not_ take the fact that I had over fifty Servants under my control very well. They would not accept it and would do everything in their power to make sure that I no longer had ANY Servants under my control or would try to control ME. Not that I could blame them for either wanting to eliminate or use me; one servant was more than enough to take on a human army. Having over fifty of them? If I wanted to, I could easily take over the world with my own army of legends, myths, demi-gods, and deities (even if they were extremely depowered).

But despite the impending threat of being detained by the magi and perhaps executed, I couldn't bring myself to care. I wanted nothing to do with Magi games or politics.

"I know." My voice was flat and void of emotion as I said this. "I'll come out when they arrive and refuse to leave, but in return I would prefer it if I be left alone."

I was well aware that everyone from the surviving staff of the original Chaldea team to the Servants were concerned about me. I felt bad for making them worry about me, but at the same time I was...

...exhausted.

I was tired, I suspected, of everything.

Of keeping up a strong front. Of being the one everyone depended on. Of being who kept everyone in check. Of being the one who everyone turned to get things done. Of opening up to people only to have them taken away from me. Of just everything in general.

And lastly, much to my extreme shame, of living. That last thought filled me with self-loathing as I was fully aware that I wanted to throw away what both Mashu and... Roman wanted so much and strongly cherished. Something that many people took for granted because it never occurs to them that death may just one day snuff out their lives without so much as a warning.

But I had lived for too long. I was not immortal, but I was an unnatural entity who probably should have never existed. Or would have never existed if higher beings beyond human comprehension had not decided that they needed my soul for an experiment of theirs because of a... fluke.

I heard someone clear their throat loudly before realizing that I was staring into a pair of blue eyes belonging to a dark haired brunette. It was Da Vinci and when did she get in front of me...? Before I could ask what in the world she thought she was doing, she stood up and went behind me. Without so much as a warning, I found myself being yanked backwards as she grabbed the handles of my wheelchair and wheeled me in front of a mirror.

"Alright, that's enough of that!" She announced as a hairbrush materialized in her hand and she started running its bristles through silver strands. "I understand the need for being alone, but right now it's not doing you any good! You need to speak to others, not dwell on your regrets and negative emotions!"

My hands clenched the armrests of my wheelchair. Yes, because speaking to someone had went so well last time. I couldn't remember much of what happened, but I knew that there was a lot of screaming from my end.

Da Vinci must have seen the expression on my face because she let out a long sigh as she started braiding a segment of my hair carefully.

"I know that Mashu and Roman's-" I braced myself for what she was about to say, a grimace on my face as I knew where this was going to go. "-what happened to them hit you hard. The three of you were very close and they were the first ones you opened your heart to- no." Da Vinci shook her head as she corrected herself. "They were the ones who slowly got you to open your heart to them and eventually to others as well."

What was she getting at? I knew they were _gone._ I had watched Mashu disintegrate right in front of me from an attack that would have destroyed everything in it's path as she used the last of her strength to protect me. And then before I had... a chance to recover from _that..._ Roman... Solomon... had used his final Noble Phantasm to give me the chance to take down the demons that were using his original body for their schemes at the cost of his very existence and erasing himself from the Throne itself.

The only thing I had left of them was Mashu's shield and Roman's ID.

As well as the memories we had together.

"But you aren't the only one who misses them." Da Vinci's voice was so soft that I nearly didn't hear her. "We miss them too."

Her voice sounded so wistful that I couldn't bring myself to say a thing. What could I say? She had known Mashu and Roman longer than I had and was probably the only other person I knew who was hurting from the fact that they were... no longer around. And like everyone else, I suspected that she had feelings for the latter no matter how many times she had shut him down. She had been the only one who knew Roman's true identity... as well as the only one who he could truly confide in as well. Even now I found it difficult to acknowledge that the awkward dork who worshipped an online idol named _Magi Mari_ was the actual Solomon, the Real King of Magic rather than the demons who had inhabited his corpse for over three millennia.

She was the only one left who had been at Chaldea near the beginning. If there was anyone who deserved to curl up in a ball and refuse to come out of their room, it was her. But instead, she was the one getting everything back in order after the defeat of the True Villain in place of Roman as well as myself since the Final Singularity had pretty much left me wheelchair bound for a while. I barely made it back from Solomon's collapsed temple and even then I had come back with some serious injuries from the fist fight I had with Ars Goetia.

"And we're worried about _you._ "

"Hm?" I didn't expect her to say that. I made it out alive, didn't I? That was more that can be said for both Mashu and Roman who were disintegrated and erased from existence in that order.

Da Vinci sighed _again._

"Everyone at Chaldea knows that Designation Grand Order has been hard on you and that Roman and Mashu's fates were the last straw." Da Vinci let go of my finished braid and stroked my cheek tenderly. "Even after saving humanity with determination that would put most people to shame, we all knew that you would not come out of this unscathed."

"Isn't it enough that I'm here breathing and talking to me?" I said bitterly.

Over the past few... however long had passed, I had been reassuring people that I was fine and I would like to be left alone, thank you very much. But whenever I told them that a look of disbelief would always cross over their face and they would ask if I was sure as if I had hesitated or stumbled in conversation when I answered their question the first time. It was beginning to get old and eventually I just stopped talking to them because I didn't want to keep answering the same thing over and over.

But rather than getting the hint of giving me some time to myself, they instead decided to set up a _fucking guard_ inside my room, meaning that I would not be left alone at all. I let them know quickly how much I did not appreciate that through screaming at the people who volunteered to watch me. And then some, but I really did not want to get into what I did for them to... compromise.

There was a long silence before Da Vinci exhaled loudly.

"I think it's better if you look in the mirror to see why we all worry about you."

Before I could say or do anything, the once famous artist carefully jerked my head up and forced me to look at my own reflection. When I met my own gaze, I couldn't help but pause at what I saw as my eyes critically observed my own reflection. It was one thing to know that you felt dead inside and that you could not bring yourself to give a damn about anything more, just struggling to breathe and maintain your physical shell and ensure that you did not waste away. It was another to actually see it for yourself.

My brown eyes were glazed over and dull and there was absolutely no sign of life in them. I could also tell that I had gotten thinner, though not quite to the point that I looked like something straight out from a horror film or a psychological thriller. My hair lacked its usual... lustre. And my posture was... well... I guess if I could sum up how I looked, it would be that I looked horrible. I had guessed that I was far from appearing healthy, but I didn't realize I resembled some sort of broken doll or a catatonic patient.

She didn't need to tell me. I was alive, but for all I looked I might as well not be.

"We're not expecting you to be okay." Da Vinci's voice was calm and level. "Nor does anyone expect you to 'get over' this in any capacity. If anything, they understand that this is something that will stay with you for the rest of your life. After all, the life of a hero is often full of hardship, regrets, and tragedy."

Before I could stop myself, I laughed. The laughter was jagged and broken and I soon found myself wheezing and out of breath in pain.

"Hero?" My voice cracked. "Is that what they're calling me?"

Because I sure as hell did not feel like a hero. Mashu and Roman were the true heroes in the end; the ones who had sacrificed everything, who had given up everything, to bring back the future and to bring back humanity. I was just along for the ride, powerless to do nothing but stand back since Servants outclassed humans in every aspect.

This time Da Vinci did not say anything. She just pulled my hair into a ponytail before using the braid she had worked on earlier to wrap it around the base of the tail. Then she pulled me away from the mirror and pushed me towards the door while my hands tightly held onto the armrests like they were a lifeline.

"Everyone has been wanting to see you. Let's go put their worries to rest, alright?"

And without so much as whether I agreed to that idea or not, she pushed me out of my room and into the brightly lit halls of the facility.

* * *

 **Long hours of typing and I am done. Done! I have to say that the Final Singularity had so many feels in it, some that made me bawl and some that made me think 'what the hell'. But all in all I absolutely loved it and I just had to type this down. Originally this was going to be a one-shot, but looks like this is not the case. Hopefully I will be able to finish this.**

 **Just to let you know, I am not a high level student of Nasuverse and how things operate. So this is mostly concentrating on the emotional reactions of those involved, not so much on the mechanics of what had happened- something I am still looking up and trying to understand. Seriously, Nasuverse in my opinion is HARD to get a grip on. I'm trying, but, uh, yeah... not easy to study.**

 **As I'm sure, some of you can tell that this is an AU as a certain someone stays dead and is not revived deus ex machnina. As much as I love Mashu, her resurrection via Fou (Four) [and that is a whole other spoiler] cheapened her sacrifice in my eyes. Seriously. Or maybe I am too firmly Clampverse in which once someone is dead, they stay dead and you can never bring them back least you threaten universal order and countless worlds to try and achieve THAT.**

 **So yes, Mashu is dead and Fou is still the beast. However, that does not mean Mashu is permanently erased from existence... after all, her sacrifice wasn't on the same level as a certain other someone.**

 **And the protagonist is a total mess. There are hints as to why, vague as they are, and just because going through what she has and witnessing the two people you were closest to you die the way they did would probably make anyone mental. Cut them some slack. And even then, even if she moves on, this would still scar her for life big time.**

 **Anyways, I hope to see you guys the next update. Until then, review and tell me what you think.**

 **Edited: December 26th 2016**


	2. Chapter One

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fate Grand Order. I only own Raine, her appearance, and how she handles things in this story.**

* * *

 **Chapter One**

 _Every running step I took was excruciating as I clumsily made my way to towards portal that would take me back to Chaldea, but I kept on going. I couldn't stop. I had to keep on going no matter how much I wanted to just drop on my knees and give up. Several times I nearly slipped, but I was always able to find my footing._

 _All around me Solomon's Temple crumbled as everything began to collapse, the ancient building no longer being supported by Solomon's magic._

 _Roman's... sacrifice... had ensured that._

 _My breath came out in ragged pants as I continued to make my way towards where I had originally ley shifted. Every part of my body screamed as I dragged Mashu's shield with me, the only thing I had left of the demi-servant who had sacrificed her life for me. I should have left it behind; it was a weight I could do without in the face of a world that was breaking apart and where time was of the essence._

 _But it was the only thing I had left of Mashu._

 _And the the name tag was the only thing I had left of Roman... before he had erased himself out of existence._

 _The shield that had belonged to Mashu and Galahad before her was not as heavy as I thought, but it was still slowing me down somewhat. I could still make it though...!_

 _"Raine, you need to hurry!" Da Vinci's voice crackled through my communicator._

 _"I know!" I shouted back as I continued to run as fast as I could, pushing my body beyond the limits it was already surpassing. Every part of my screamed in agony and my chest felt like it was going to explode, but I ignored it all in favour of concentrating on making my way towards the only exit of this hellish location._

 _I couldn't die. I needed to live._

 _No matter how much everything hurt. No matter how much I cursed my very existence._

 _I needed to keep on going._

 _For them._

 _Otherwise their sacrifices would have meant nothing._

 _My eyes burned at the thought, but before I could dwell on it I suddenly found myself flying and then hitting the ground with a jarring impact that forced the air right out of and left me struggling to breathe. Painful gasps left my mouth as my body spasmed violently and my mind went into overdrive as it tried to regain control of my senses._

 _If I had thought that the pain as I struggled towards my only way out of this hell was bad, it was nothing compared to what I felt now. I couldn't tell, but the impact had probably done something that would make getting to the exit harder._

 _I just hoped that it hadn't affected my legs. I still needed those as of the moment._

 _Ignoring the new wave of pain that washed over me, I forced myself up using Mashu's shield that had managed to miraculously stay standing after we were both sent flying to support myself. Before I could stop myself, I lurched forward and threw up on the ground. Despite my mind telling me that I didn't have the time to be doing this, I continued to vomit until there was no longer anything in my stomach and I was just dry heaving pathetically as my body continued to try and reject something that was no longer there._

 _I coughed several times before using the back of my hand to wipe away my mouth before using Mashu's shield to stand up again._

 _"...ne! Raine!" It took me a few seconds, but I realized that Da Vinci had been calling my name non-stop. I opened my mouth to tell her that I was alright when my by brain and body suddenly froze in unison when I saw a tall and broad shadow in front of me that was too big to belong to me._

 _I whirled around and found myself staring at a golden haired man who loomed over me, ten golden rings floating around him ominously._

* * *

 _"Fou!"_

The signature squeak of a very familiar white creature was the only warning I had before something soft, warm, white and furry latched onto my face suddenly cutting off my ability to breathe.

"Mmph!" My hands immediately went to my face as I tried to pull what had just jumped me off of my face. "Mmpth! Mmmm!"

After a few minutes of tug-of-war, muffled screaming, and a lot of 'Fou, fou!'-ing, I was eventually able to breathe again as the creature mercifully let go. After catching my breath, I glared at the fluffy being that was in my hands. Black, shining eyes glared back at me and I could see the disappointment and disapproval in its' scrutiny.

I heard a giggle behind me and turned around as much as I could to glare at the owner of the laughter. Seeing my unamused stare, Da Vinci stopped giggling but there was still a smile on her face.

"That's just Fou's way of saying he was worried about you." She chuckled. "He was waiting in front of your door all this time, but he stayed outside whenever someone went in to check up on you. I think he wanted you to come out on your own."

"Really." I said dryly. Since when did suffocation by small animal translate into worry? "That's... sweet of him, I guess. But he didn't need to do that."

Especially since I had no plans of leaving my room for as long as I could delay it.

"Fou!" The little demon chirped, agreeing with her.

"See?" She smirked.

I just rolled my eyes. There was no point in arguing the matter and we both knew it, the smirk widening on her face a huge indication. She began pushing the wheelchair again while I sighed and placed Fou on my lap. The white fluffy creature curled up on my lap and got very comfortable as he buried his muzzle into his paws. Having nothing to do but just sit back and let Da Vinci wheel me around the halls of Chaldea, I allowed my thoughts to drift off once more as my hand stroked Fou's fur.

As always my thoughts drifted back to that final battle. It was the only thing I had been doing ever since I woke up and found myself confined to a wheelchair and unable to do anything else since everyone insisted that I rest. All I could think of... was... the last time I saw _them_ before they were... gone.

Gone.

Mashu.

Roman.

 _Gone._

I had saved the world in the end and everything was back to normal (or as normal as it could be with the insane adventure and journey I had gone through), but things would never be the same again no matter how much I wanted to reverse the clock.

The both of them would have wanted me to move on and live my life to the fullest; to experience the things that they would never be able to experience again in their place. Logically I knew that isolating myself from the others, shutting my mind and body from reality was completely disrespectful to all they did for humanity.

And for me.

But just because I knew this on a logical and rationale level didn't mean that I was able to easily accept it on an mental and emotional one no matter how much I tried.

...no matter how much I forced myself to try and move on after it was over.

Humans, sentient beings, were generally driven by their emotions. I was no exception despite how much it frustrated me.

How long had it been since I heard Mashu call me 'sempai' before following me wherever I went because she wanted to be with me? Since Roman scolded me for getting unnecessarily injured for who knows what hundreth time? I used to find both things somewhat annoying. Now ironically I would give anything to hear their voices again, to see them again, to just be with them again.

 _It wasn't fair._

Why them? Why not _me?_

Mashu was a former human experiment who couldn't leave Chaldea's facility due to being unable to survive in the outside world. As a result of the inhumane experiments conducted on her, she had an extremely short life span of eighteen years. Mashu had been fully aware of her short mortality, but instead of cursing god for a fate that had been forced on to her she just wanted to be able to leave the facility she had been trapped in her entire life and see the world before death eventually took her.

Roman. Who had turned out to be the True King of Magic Solomon the entire time. When he was still alive over three thousand years ago, he had no will of his own. He was merely someone who reflected the will of god and its people and did not live for himself; a literal slave to the system no matter the godlike abilities he had been born with. After winning the Holy Grail War with the first Director of Chaldea ten years ago, he had then wished to live life as a normal human with no magic. He had wanted to live as an ordinary, mundane person so that for once he could live solely for himself- a luxury he did not have in his first life.

It hurt like hell that he had kept that a secret... but I could hardly talk. Not when I was keeping a huge secret of my own that I guarded with every fibre of my being. Several of them, actually.

But if there was anyone who deserved to live more than anyone in this world it was them.

 _So why did I survive?_

My fists clenched at the thought and the familiar waves of bitterness and anger soon followed as I allowed them to consume me.

Why couldn't all three of us make it out alive? Or better yet, why couldn't have I been the one who died? I would have gladly given up my life if it meant that the two of them would live out the lives that they deserved, cherished, and valued.

I had been alive longer than them and while I wouldn't say that I was satisfied with how my life ended up, it wasn't all that bad. While my life, lives, left a lot to be desired there were also precious memories that I would never give up for anything in the world. The times that I spent with Roman, Mashu, and sometimes Da Vinci were memories that I treasure... especially now that I realized they were the few happy times I had in this lifetime even as we all endured the stress and pain of making sure that things were back to normal.

 _Why was I even alive? Why couldn't I just have just stayed dead? Why did you have to take away the people who deserved to live more than anything else in the world away?_

 _Why did you keep giving me hope, light, only to rip it away from me and leave me drowning in the darkness all over again?_

"Hmph." A deep baritone snapped me out of my thoughts and I grimaced. "I did not think anyone would see you again ever since you confined yourself to your room and refused to come out."

Great. I knew who we had come across and I was in no mood to deal with him right now.

Unfortunately I didn't think I had a choice in the matter.

"Anderson," Da Vinci confirmed the identity of the individual. There was a warning tone in her voice when she said their name and I had the impression she didn't want to deal with him either.

"Are the hallways not open to everyone? Am I not allowed to roam the halls due to fear in coming across our self-loathing Master? Who continues to drown herself in self-pity as her mind keeps transporting her to that very time when both Shielder and the True King of Magic sacrificed their very existences to protect not only her and the future of mankind?"

I tensed at the mention of Mashu and Roman before I forced myself to relax. He was on a roll. Fantastic.

Deciding that I might as well get whatever impending speech he had for me over with, I lifted my head and stared him straight in to the icy blue eyes of a blue haired child whose appearance strongly contrasted the deepness of his voice as well as the wisdom and intelligence that he radiated.

Even if the way he bestowed such wisdom and intelligence was scathing and typically made people reluctant to go to him for any advice at all.

"Just get it over with, Andersen." I said in a flat tone. "I'm already aware of how lowly and pathetic I am right now. Just verbally rip me apart like you usually do and let me get on with internal angst so that I can have new material to go over in my head regards to how much I suck."

Nothing he could say could make me feel even worse than I already did anyways. Might as well hear whatever criticism he had for me anyways since Andersen just typically stated whatever the hell was on his mind regardless of whether the other person wanted him to or not.

Hans Christian Andersen had been a famous author when he was still alive and his creations were well known today. Some of his works included 'The Little Mermaid' and 'The Princess and the Pea', albeit heavily edited for children due to just how dark and violent they were when the stories first came out. Despite how grim his stories ended up being, he surprisingly continued to believe in the concept of love.

"I see that your sarcasm is as sharp as ever." He remarked. "Too bad you can't use it to get yourself out of the dark hole you have dug yourself into after Grand Order."

"Dealing with you as well as the colourful personalities of the other servants on a constant basis? Are you really surprised it's as well honed as it is?" I included Andersen among those colourful personalities since he had made stating people's flaws and verbally ripping them to pieces an artwork. "And believe me, if sarcasm got things done I would always be on top of the shit the world keeps throwing my way. Anyways, just get to the goddamned point."

To my surprise, Andersen chuckled, contrasting the frown he had when he greeted me.

"What's so funny?" I asked. Because a meteor hitting the Earth was more likely to happen than Hans Christian Andersen, King of Biting Sarcasm and 'Reason You Suck Speeches', freaking _smiling._

"I thought that I would have to give a lecture to a young woman drowning in her own self-pity and despair to the point that she has given up on reality all together, but if you can still banter with me I can see that you are not a completely lost cause."

He gave me an approving gaze and nodded his head. I just stared. Was I supposed to be proud of his appraisal of me or something? I hoped not, because being critiqued by Andersen was a once in a lifetime experience for sane people.

Though going by that logic, I wasn't a very sane person now was I?

"However," Andersen said sharply as his gaze turned critical once again, "Despite your awareness, there are still many things that you are still unaware of and locking yourself up in your room like a hikikomori will only turn you into a miserable, bitter old woman who will end up dying alone because she rejected every attempt to help her."

"And exactly what would those aspects that I am unaware of be?" I growled at the man-author-in-a-child's-body. As much as I hated it, I could not deny the truth in his words. Andersen was blunt, rude, and extremely unapologetic but his observational skills when it came to reading people was top notch. The only one who could defeat him in observation was Karna, who happened to be half-human and half-god and who had known suffering on a very personal level.

But instead of answering my question, Andersen folded his arms across his chest and 'harrumphed' at me. "Must I spell out the answers for you? Figure it out on your own! You said so yourself when Shielder asked you tearfully why you did not tell her that you knew the true identity of the Heroic Spirit who had given her their power, correct? Some answers are something you must seek yourself! So why not take your own advice and do exactly that?" He then sighed and uncrossed his arms. "However, keeping your condition in mind, I suppose giving you a hint would not hurt."

I raised an eyebrow. Considering his usual character that was actually pretty charitable of him.

"It is not what you are suppose to be doing that you should be considering. While that is an admirable goal in of itself in the face of everything you have gone through, it is not what you need as of the moment. What _is_ important is what you are _not_ allowing yourself to do because of the mistaken belief that you do not deserve to."

And with those ominous words, Andersen walked off. Either to go to the library and put himself into a reading coma or find some new individual to criticise.

"That was new. That little speech didn't have Andersen's usual bite in it." I said when I decided to break the silence.

"Hmm..." Da Vinci suddenly seemed interested in the ceiling as soon as the words left my mouth. I stared at her flatly and probably realizing that I was not going to allow her to not answer my question, she sighed.

"I... _might_ have had a talk with Andersen and every other servant with high observational skills and told themselves to keep their observations to themselves. I also _might_ had a long talk with Shakespeare since he especially wanted to know what happened to you, Roman, and Mashu at the temple. He called it _needing inspiration._ " She said in a sing-song voice. I got the impression that she had thrown in a few threats in that conversation involving Uomo Universale.

I scowled. "I don't need to be coddled, dammit."

But I could not deny that I was grateful for her warding off Shakespeare. As harsh as Andersen was, he usually spoke his mind not out of malice but genuine understanding of the other person. Shakespeare on the other hand could not really give a damn about anyone's feelings whenever he felt his creative juices flowing.

"Mmm-hmm." And with that, Da Vinci wheeled me away to... wherever she was going to take me next.

I rolled my eyes at her obvious attempt to deflect answering me, but got comfortable in my wheelchair as we continued down the hallway. As my eyes glazed over as we headed to our next destination, Andersen's words stuck in my head. The last sentence especially would not leave my thoughts.

Just what did he mean by that?

* * *

 **D** **one!**

 **Man this chapter was hard to do and while I was not completely satisfied about the direction it went, I am not completely dissatisfied either. So here you go. I know that this chapter wasn't all that exciting, but considering that Raine was pretty much forced out of her room means that she is going to be a little sullen and grumpy over this.**

 **I pretty much scrapped the idea of her being catatonic since she's the narrator of the story and because it's already hard writing a catatonic character from someone else's view point, forget her being the narrator. So instead she's... not quite emotional, but not entirely dead either. Not to mention that Andersen was talking to her at the time, so bit a banter there.**

 **A bit of a reveal in regards to Raine. I will, however tell you that she can strongly relate to Roman/Solomon's original wish.**

 **I am not a long term planner. This was originally supposed to be a one-shot, but somehow this became a multi-chapter fic, in which this chapter was written when I listened to a lot of music and put myself through the torture of seeing Dr. Roman fanart as well as watching Mashu's sacrificial scene.**

 **But I do know that I want to switch from flashbacks to present life both to reveal what happened during the Final Singularity and for a purpose that you'll find about later on. Until then, enjoy!**


	3. Chapter Two

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fate Grand Order. I do, however, own Raine and everything about her. Oh, and the concept of this story. That too.**

* * *

 **Chapter Two**

 _"Raine! The Saint Graph in front of you is...!"_

 _I didn't need Da Vinci to tell me who the Saint Graph belonged to. I already knew who it was when our eyes met this instance despite how different he looked. The person in question was levitating in front of me with a heavy gaze that threatened to crush me where I stood. Despite the heavy weight, I stood my ground and stared back at him defiantly._

 _I would never forget his gaze._

 _Our first meeting in London, when our eyes met for the first time, his stare had immobilized me on the spot. I barely managed to send Mashu back to Chaldea after he had killed all of the other servants, leaving me to the mercy of the one who had orchestrated the events. But instead of killing me, he had told me that my efforts to stop him were all for nought and left me alone in my 'futility'._

 _In hindsight, I had thought it was because I was merely a lowly human who stood no chance against him (as irritating as it was to admit at the time). But apparently anyone who stared him straight in the eyes would slowly have their soul ripped out of their bodies, a nasty fact I discovered much, much later when I found my consciousness switching between Chaldea and the Infernal Prison as my soul began to separate from my body._

 _However, when I met his gaze this time, I knew I was in no danger of that happening this time. That was because the person who stood right in front of me was dying._

 _Despite the fact that I had another obstacle in returning to Chaldea literally blocking my way, I couldn't help but laugh._

 _"Hah..." I let out a chuckle. "I should have known that you wouldn't let me get away that easily... Goetia."_

 _Bare as the day any infant born from their mother's womb, the one responsible for the collapse of History and mankind floated right in front of me. With hair as gold as the sun and matching intricate tattoos that decorated his body was Demon King Goetia._

 _Though a king that was on the verge of death._

 _If there was anyway I could describe the Goetia in front of me, I would say that he was a shadow- no, a fragment- of his original self. He was missing a couple of body parts, including his right arm (which was probably why the rings were floating around him)._

 _Despite his broken form, however, he stood in front of me with a sense of pride that he never had before. Gone were the arrogance, the condescending attitude, and the pity he had once radiated. Instead, I had the impression that he seemed... wiser?_

 _"Correct." For the first time since I had encountered him, Goetia sounded... human. It felt like I was talking to a single individual, rather than a hive mind. "I will not allow you to leave this place in one piece. You will disappear with me."_

 _In response to his declaration, I swung Mashu's shield in front of in a defensive motion and jumped back. I widened the distance between me and him, wanting to make sure that I had enough time to counter whatever he threw in my direction._

 _"No, I won't." I said through gritted teeth._

 _I was not going to die here. I could not die here._

 _"Raine!" Da Vinci's voice screamed through the communicator, but I ignored her. I knew that Goetia was not going to let me go past him without a fight; a fight that I was willing to give him in place of Mashu and Roman._

 _"My dream has shattered. The amount of time I invested in this Temple has amounted to nothing. I have truly been defeated." Goetia's voice was level and easy on my ears... compared to the booming baritone he addressed me in during our past encounters. There was also a wistful tone in his voice, one that conveyed that the disappointment of being so close to his goal only to come up short in the end._

 _"Sorry about that." I said in a tone that didn't say I was_ sorry _at all. "But I couldn't let your dreams come true since it came at the cost of the humans who survived on the planet for over 3,000 years."_

 _Goetia rambled on as if he didn't hear me. "The Bands of Light have vanished. The Incineration of Human Order has been undone. The moment when King Solomon vanished, everything I had set in motion was gone." He eyed me, his gaze filled with... resignation. "I am no longer the 72 Demon Gods. I am all that remains, a shadow of my former self."_

 _He paused for a few seconds before speaking again._

 _"Whatever I do now will not alter my fate. Killing you will not change anything. This is a meaningless fight. A choice I would not have decided on until now."_

 _My eyes narrowed at the implication of his words. "But you seemed to have found a meaning to fight now?"_

 _Just my luck that the bastard who did all this decided to find the willpower to fight till the very end._

 _"Correct. Just as you have your pride, I have mine. No." Goetia paused in his words again, his expression, if I were to be truthful, puzzled as he tried to search for the words he wanted to use next. "I've acquired my pride. Having a finite lifespan, I finally understand humanity."_

 _His words made_ me _pause._

 _"You do?"_

 _And the scary thing about that was that I believed him. Despite how broken he was, his gaze was firm. He truly did understand humanity, even if he had destroyed countless lives of humans in his grand plan to grant everyone his own version of happiness._

 _"Yes, though it has been a long journey even when I have dwelt here for three thousand years." Goetia's gaze sharpened and his stance shifted as he began to face me. "I am stopping you here and now for what I believe in. You are fighting me so that you can return home. Those are the last words from me to you out of respect."_

 _I moved into a stance of my own, mentally recalling how Mashu positioned herself when she was out on the field fighting enemies. I had no experience wielding her shield so the only thing I could fall back on was my memory of how she had fought in the past._

 _"Now let's put an end to this quest!" Goetia's voice boomed and my body tensed, eyes sharply watching him so that I was prepared when he decided to attack._

 _"The Grand Order on Incineration of Human Order. The Master who crossed seven singularities and seven worlds. My name is Goetia, the one who used Human Order to destroy Human Order. The one who aims beyond the horizon. The one who strives for empty hope which no one desires and the end point where no one exists. This is the moment I was born and this is the moment I perish._ _Even if there is no result, even if there is no reward, I will use everything to destroy you._

 _... My enemy, my hatred, my fate. Please watch over me. This short amount of time is my story. Albeit short, this precious time is the life of the one who call himself Goetia!"_

 _And with those words he closed the distance between us as he charged._

 _...He was right. Goetia would die regardless of whether he won this fight or not. But he did not care; he was meeting me with everything he had, refusing to just give up and die no matter how futile it seemed. I was extremely familiar with that feeling and despite the fact that time was running out for me and being able to escape the collapsing Temple, I met Goetia on the field he wanted his last battle on._

 _"He who Incinerated Human Order! He who could not bare to watch the suffering of humanity and strove to create a Better World without pain and suffering! Demon King who did not understand the finite nature of humans! This is the moment where I fight you for the sake of returning home! For the sake of being able to live in the future that my friends sacrificed everything to restore and bring back for the sake of the billions of lives that have been wiped out by your actions! I cannot die here and I will use all of my power to destroy you!"_

 _My words made him stop and I could tell that he was waiting for me to finish._

 _"My enemy, my friends, those who I want to protect. Watch over me. Watch as I write the final chapter of this story for the sake of being able to start a new chapter for those who sacrificed their own futures to protect many others! In this long and tiring existence, in this life that has seen so much darkness but has also seen light burn the brightest, I will meet your challenge here and now to decide my fate!"_

 _I charged, meeting him in a powerful clash as our respective strength, dreams, and goals collided._

* * *

"Ah ha ha ha ha! Our Master returns to us!"

If I could, I would have turned this wheelchair and wheeled myself right out of this room. I had already dealt with Andersen earlier. There was no freaking way I was going to deal with _him_ and the one who was not far behind. Unfortunately, Da Vinci had quite the grip on the handles, meaning that I had no choice but to endure the presence of the person who had spotted and decided to greet me.

So I was stuck.

Damn it.

"...Ozymandias." I said through gritted my teeth, bracing myself for the amount of ego I was going to be enduring the entire time one of Egypt's greatest pharaohs deemed that I was worthy of being in his presence. Though I suppose I should be grateful; at least it wasn't a certain, overbearing blond haired, red eyed Arche-

"Our Master, the one who has shut herself in her room and choosing to waste away her time has finally graced us with her presence? That Master?"

I dropped my head into my hands and groaned loudly. Great. The two of them had been together. And that meant that I had to deal with them at the same time.

"Aren't you supposed to be bothering someone? Like King Artoria and her Round Table?" I muttered as I looked up. I felt bad for throwing the most famous King of Briton under the bus like that, but I was desperate to not have to deal with the two people who egos the size of the world and then some.

Especially not so soon after my encounter with Andersen.

In all his golden glory, stretched out on the couch like someone who was confident in himself to the point that he believed he owned everything, was the great Gilgamesh. Naturally he was drinking a glass of wine as he looked at me with an amused smirk on his face.

The man I did not want to be talking to at the moment merely laughed. "Bah. Her knights are always getting in the way of our interactions. Would it not upset her, I would have already destroyed the men who turned their backs on her for their own petty grievances and squabbles and allowed the kingdom around them to collapse entirely at their feet."

"I can't blame them there, Gilgamesh." I muttered. "If the rumours I heard regarding the two of you are true, then I would say her knights have every right to be overprotective of her whenever you're around."

While I was not sure of the intricate details Artoria, Gilgamesh, and EMIYA (Archer Emiya, that is) had a history with each other regarding a 'Fifth Holy Grail War' in another universe where they were enemies or something. I didn't know any more than that as I respected the parties involved didn't want anyone knowing more than that, but of course the King of Briton's knights demanded to know what had happened involving their beloved ruler.

"Ah, but I wanted to talk to you Master!"

"What." I said in the flattest tone possible before realizing something that I probably should have picked up on earlier. "Wait, what?!"

My head shot up incredulously from my hands and I stared at the blond haired Archer like he was crazy.

"Since when the hell did you call me Master?!" I blurted out. "What happened to being a mere 'puppet' or 'mongrel'?!"

Those words would have sounded weird without a complete context behind them, but to anyone who knew Gilgamesh and his disgust towards modern day man, they would have gotten it. Because despite the fact that I had been the one who summoned him, alongside many other heroes, from the Throne of Heroes he did not see that as a reason to give me any respect. In fact, he had seemed disgusted with me if the fact that he called me a 'Puppet' the first time he addressed me was big clue.

As offensive as the term he called me was at the time, I could not deny his words.

"Is there something wrong with that, _Master?_ " Gilgamesh emphasised the word at the end with a smirk. Apparently this was greatly amusing to him.

I rolled his eyes at his attitude. "Well, no, but since when the hell did you ever call me 'Master'?! What happened to those terms?"

"Would you prefer it if I call you 'puppet' again?"

"No! All I want to know is when you started calling me 'Master'!"

'Master' was leagues better than what he usually called the other people in Chaldea, but this was _Gilgamesh._ Mr. 'Every-person-in-the-world-is-beneath-me-now-get-on-your-knees-and-respect-me-mongrel'. He did not treat anyone else other than himself with an ounce of respect unless you met his standards of what warranted respect from him.

Ugh, I hated speaking to Gilgamesh. It was exhausting.

"Oh, is that all?"

"Pretty much." I deadpanned.

Gilgamesh's face blanked and he turned away from me to address his Egyptian equivalent. "Pharaoh, does she truly not know?"

Ozymandias nodded. "The expression on her face indeed suggests that she does not. Our humble Master must take lessons from us."

There was nothing wrong with _humility._ In fact the both you needed a good dose of it to keep your egos in check.

"That is true! She needs to be more boastful of her accomplishments!"

"I agree King of Heroes!"

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY WILL YOU JUST TELL ME ALREADY?!" I screamed at them both.

I tried not to lose my temper too much. It often resulted in a lot of collateral damage and verbal whiplash, but I congratulated anyone who could patiently deal with Ozymandias and Gilgamesh _at the same time_. As I mentioned before, they had egos that could span the world and the heavens given the chance. Though admittedly, they had the power to back up what they boasted, as irritating as it was. Which is why they got away with half the crap they did on a daily basis. Or at least Gilgamesh got away with it- Ozymandias was well more behaved.

Often the two of them argued about who was the better of them between themselves much to the exasperation of nearby Servants who were forced to deal with their pride and haughtiness colliding, but there were the times that they formed an unholy union together and sicced themselves on some poor soul.

Like right now.

Normally, I would have walked off rather than just sit here and listen to the other stroke their egos, but since I couldn't do _that_ more drastic measures had to be taken.

But rather than either of them taking offence that someone had interrupted the session of the 'Gilgamesh-and-Ozymandias-show-no-it's-the-Ozymandias-and-Gilgamesh-show', the two of them started laughing. I just stared at them- or at least at Gilgamesh. Ozymandias, for all his ego, had a sense of humour and was capable of taking the friendly jabs of others in stride. Gilgamesh on the other hand only laughed when he was putting people in place via summoning his Gate of Babylon and throwing all his weaponry at them.

"Ugh." I hung my head. "I give up. Da Vinci, can we just go?"

I think I just used up the weakly quota of dealing with Ozymandias and Gilgamesh combined. Which honestly wasn't all that much to begin with. Thankfully, Da Vinci started pulling my wheelchair away. I think she was just as exasperated having to listen to the two Kings as I was.

"Forgive us, Master. We only laugh at you in jest. " Ozymandias' booming laughter had died down to chortles as he gently stopped Da Vinci from taking me away. "It's just that- for all you have done- you still can't...?"

"Can't save everyone?" I asked bitterly as two familiar faces popped into mind.

Gilgamesh snorted and folded his arms across as he vanquished his wine and stood up from the couch. "What my Egyptian friend is trying to say is that for all you have done, you still cannot take pride in your actions?"

"Pride?" My mind blanked.

Exactly what did they want me to take pride in? Saving the world? Restoring history? Surviving?

The familiar feeling of bitterness washed over me. Me? Save the world? The very idea was laughable. I didn't do a _fucking_ thing. If anything, I was just there to a be a mana (or was it prana) battery for Mashu and the other Servants who came along. The only thing I was good for was standing back and having everyone else fight for me. The only time I had fought was when Goetia was standing in my way and I was only able to do that because-

There was a heavy weight on my head and it took me a few seconds to realize that someone was patting my head. I looked up and realized that it was Ozymandias and I could not help but stare.

What.

Ozymandias was leagues friendlier than Gilgamesh, but I didn't think it was in his character to be petting other people's heads. Unless it was Tamamo, who he considered his younger sister, no matter how violently she denied it.

"Hmph. Humans these days focus too much on humility and modesty, thinking that those traits are ideal traits they and others should live by for the sake of not offending others and making them feel inadequate." Ozymandias snorted while continue to rub my head like he had found a very endearing puppy and had to keep petting it. "Other traits such as pride are seen as arrogant when it is only natural to be proud of your accomplishments after you triumph over trials that would have killed lesser men or destroyed them. There is nothing wrong with being proud, but recent social structures have warped the term so much that people view it as a bad thing."

"Indeed." Gilgamesh agreed. "While too much Pride can mislead an individual towards their doom, it is not inherently a bad thing. Otherwise I would have been considered a villain a long time ago!"

I think they had _you_ in mind when they deemed that too much pride was not a good thing.

"So what point are you trying to make? And how does it involve me?" I _just_ wanted to leave. Was it too much to ask?

Gilgamesh shot me a look, his expression one of irritation as he addressed me. "Why do you keep looking at the ground, unable to meet the gazes of the people around you as if you have something to be ashamed of? Why do you continue to look on your failures, drown in your despair, and think yourself unworthy of existing when you have every reason to rejoice?"

I opened my mouth and found that I had no answer to his questions.

"Is saving the world and undoing the destruction of mankind not something to take pride in? Is surviving what would have killed many in your place ten times over not something you should be proud of?"

But I didn't do a damned thing...!

I open my mouthed, but Gilgamesh simply held out a hand in front of him as he continued to speak. I reluctantly closed my mouth, if just because this was one of the few times he actually seemed serious about something. And a serious Gilgamesh usually had something to say that you probably needed to hear.

"You have strength and determination that is rare in this day and age. Where others would cower at the thought of constantly placing themselves in danger, you do it without a second thought. You are wise to know that you are weaker and powerless in the face of the adversary that you came across, but such facts are meaningless to you and you keep on going. You stand up to people you know that can kill you without a second thought without hesitance and without regret. Despite the strong advantage you had since birth and how dangerous that advantage makes you if utilized correctly, you have persevered with your own strength, intelligence, and wisdom alone."

His eyes stared straight into mine and I found myself back in that time when I first met Goetia in London, paralyzed by the heavy gaze that looked straight into my soul.

"You have accomplished what many can only dream of doing in your place. And despite everything that you have gone through, you still continue to fight. Your virtues remind me of one other. Like you, she had great potential to be more than what she was, but she blazed through all that stood in her path with her personal strength alone regardless of the dangers that she encountered." He paused and to my amazement I saw pride (and nostalgia?) in his eyes. "In the eyes of those who call themselves magi, you are mediocre in all aspects and perhaps a waste of potential, but their views and scorn mean nothing to those who served alongside you as your sword and shield! So stand tall and proud, Master, for I am proud to have served under one such as yourself!"

I felt my jaw drop and I was sure that Da Vinci was doing the same. Even Fou had stirred in my lap and was staring intently at the typically haughty King of Heroes. Not once did I think he was capable of praising anyone else other than _himself._ I never thought I would see the day I would earn _his_ praise.

"And that is why you, Master, should take pride in everything you have done! Your Shielder and Doctor would have wanted you to live your life with your head held high! They passed away with smiles, believing in you and entrusting the future in your hands. They gave you something precious to treasure for the rest of your life! To not do so would be a disservice to the bonds, the friendship, you formed with them and what they entrusted to you! To continue to hide away from the rest of the world in shame is a disservice to us who fought alongside you, who encouraged you, and who believe in you! While so many have confidence, faith, and respect for someone such as yourself you continue to be disrespectful in constantly saying that you have done nothing to earn those when you have actually proven yourself many times over! Be proud of who you are and what you have accomplished, Forty-Eighth Master of Chaldea and Saviour of History and Humanity!"

Silence filled the room as everyone stared at the Golden King of Uruk. His arms were folded and for once his posture emanated the wisdom and power of a true king rather than his typical air of haughtiness and arrogance.

There... were no words I could say to that.

All I could do was bow my head in respect and concede defeat to his wisdom.

* * *

 **Oh my god! I am fucking done! This was something I wrote at around 11 AM in the morning and it is now a quarter past eight! Phew! But I am glad I managed to get this over with because wow!**

 **I am proud of the first part of the chapter. It got a little hammy at the end with both Goetia and Raine shouting at each other, but I had fun writing how their pre-battle speech would go. I gotta say, not bad. Especially since it conveys their humanity.**

 **Writing the second part was originally slow, but then the inspiration bunny bit me hard again and I found that I just couldn't stop typing dammit. Ah well, it means that you get another update in such a short time, right? All the better for you. Hopefully you found the characterization of both Gil and Ozy acceptable in this. I feel like they should be more... proud? But honestly, I didn't know how to portray that without them coming off as complete jerks. So instead just enjoy some bromance from them!**

 **By the way, if you feel that I did an injustice to their characters then please tell me! I want to know! I have more knowledge on F/GO and Extra/Extella than the other series in Fate. I also dabbled a little in Prototype, but not a whole lot. Honestly? I feel like I didn't really write their characters correctly, unless I should switch the Archer Gilgamesh to Caster Gilgamesh- Caster Gilgamesh sounds like a better fit.**

 **In this lecture, Gilgamesh is kind of harsh but I feel that he has softened his usual barbed tongue because he respects Raine that much. Hey, she went mano to mano with Goetia. What is there not to respect? But I also feel that he would be annoyed with Raine's constant self-deprecation. He respects her and is proud to have fought with her- so why can't she have pride in herself? The great Gilgamesh finds her deserving of pride after all!**

 **I know Oz didn't get a lot of screen time from Gilgamesh, but I felt that this little speech should have been done by one person. And from Gilgamesh it would have been a stronger statement since Gilgamesh respects very few people. But don't worry, Oz is going to show up more later on!**

 **Also, found Goetia's speech on reddit forums. Not a perfect translation and I did some editing here and there myself for the sentences to come out more smoothly and I have to say I like it. That it is okay.**

 **I was listening to the acoustic version of Hysteria by Nano when I wrote this. I declare this Raine's new theme song! Listen to it when you have the chance. You won't regret it.**

 **But yeah. Whoo, long after author's note. Tell me what you think, alright?**


End file.
